


Unseen Adventures

by sisinala



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Blind Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-19 08:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11309172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisinala/pseuds/sisinala
Summary: “Josefa, my dear, I promise you that I have calculated the risks and made sure that where we are going, we have eighty-six point five six nine percent chances of coming back to your room before lunch. Wait, have you skipped breakfast again? You look like you’ve only gotten out of bed” She was stuck on the part where he basically admitted that he had planned this all along.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [salamangkera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamangkera/gifts).



                She couldn’t help the downright panic she felt after the initial surge of confusion.

                The doctors have been expecting it. Her family and friends were preparing for it. She had therapy sessions, adjustments. But she was hoping against hope that the universe would just give her one more day, one more morning were she opens her eyes and see the baby blue walls of her bedroom. But today, she ran out of mornings.

                Everything was black.

                She felt herself blink once, twice, twenty times. Nothing.

                She tried to hold the tears back by getting up from the bedhe and feeling for her cane. It’s royal blue, she thought sourly, but now its smooth, cold from the night. She’ll miss the colors. She felt for her desk, not surprised of the heat coming from the window. She never closed the curtains, and she could tell it was midday.

                A lot of her habits changed in the last few months after she got the news. She wasn’t allowed to drive anymore, couldn’t watch TV, couldn’t text. She stopped checking her Facebook account when the letters wouldn’t go any bigger. Well at least she couldn’t see how horrible her hair was in the mirror anymore.

                She was on her way out of the bathroom when she heard a strange noise. Strange, but familiar. Her heart leaped. For a moment, she was frightened, and she held her cane tightly. Her phone hadn’t been charged for days, so it wouldn’t be making that noise she set as her ringtone. Her laptop had been shoved discreetly inside her wardrobe, under a pile of sweaters. She headed to the door when she heard another strange sound.

                A door opening on the other side of the room where there should be a wall.

                “Good morning, Josefa” It was a man. And he was in her room. Emerging from a wall where her calendar hung. She smiled. Ten years and his voice still promised adventure.

                “Happy birthday!” he continued. She gaped at him.

                “Uh—Doctor? My birthday isn’t for another month. What are you doing here? We promised Zandarr we wouldn’t see each other again—”

                “I’m too early? But I double checked my normal time clock and it says—oh”

                “Doctor?”

                “Anyway, there’s always time for everything, always time for—something. Come, I’ll take you to my thirty-secondth favorite place. I finally finished the list you told me to write”

                “You said you’ll be back in a jiffy”

                “Uh, jiffy is relative?”

                “It’s been ten years!”

                “Ten years? You look—well I suppose you don’t look exactly the same. Did you change your hair?”

                “Doctor!”

                “Come now, Josefa. I’ll make it up to you. How about we go to your favorite place and let’s pretend your birthday is today? Or we can hop on to your actual birthday, get a slice of cake and then tell your parents we’re running away? Which sounds better?” She didn’t remind him that she was nineteen now and running away had a whole lot of different connotations now that it didn’t have when she was nine—not that it didn’t hold any bad connotations back then. But the Doctor always made sure that their traipsing to other planets always ended before bed time—and that her parents didn’t know.

                Here was the Doctor, who made the best parts of her childhood the absolute fairytale only other kids could dream of. They fought off monsters trying to colonize Earth, jumped down actual endless waterfalls, and even went to a simulated universe were her favorite fictional character existed. He even let her off when she spilled hot chocolate on the TARDIS console. He was her Peter Pan, and she really, really wanted to go.

                But wherever the Doctor went, danger followed. She wouldn’t be a great companion, no. Not anymore.

                “Um, Doctor… if you haven’t noticed, I’m…”

                “What is it, dear? Do you have a prior engagement? We could be back—“

                “Doctor, I’m blind”

                “Oh. That.” He paused for a second, then, “Why should it matter, though?”

                “I don’t think it would be best for both our healths—“

                “Josefa, my dear, I promise you that I have calculated the risks and made sure that where we are going, we have eighty-six point five six nine percent chances of coming back to your room before lunch. Wait, have you skipped breakfast again? You look like you’ve only gotten out of bed” She was stuck on the part where he basically admitted that he had planned this all along.

                “Are you hesitating? Why are you hesitating? Has growing up made you grow up? Oh no, Josefa. You want me to go back?”

                “Time cannot be rewritten. And no, I’ve just gotten a healthy sense of self-preservation”

                “Oh no” She heard him pacing. She could just imagine him walking around the small room, fidgeting with the sonic screwdriver in his pocket.

                “What?”

                “You’re going to tell me no, aren’t you? Well I haven’t expected that, sorry. I thought—well I’m apparently wrong, sorry again. I got ahead of myself again, I never think—” It hit her then. No one followed him out of the TARDIS. If Rose had been inside, she wouldn’t just stay in if he planned on taking her along to wherever they went for her birthday. He lost his flower. Just like he lost her.

                He was lonely.

                “Are you alone, Doctor?” It took him a while to answer. Well, he had the TARDIS, but—

                “Yes”

                He had nothing else.

                She didn’t ask him where Rose was. It would probably hurt her, too.

                Josie bit her lip and played with the top of her cane. Going with the Doctor held a lot of risks but she was lonely, too. She didn’t want to think. Maybe he could take her away somewhere where she could just forget. Somewhere where it didn’t matter that she couldn’t tell how his face looked like anymore.

                “Where did you want to go?” She asked him carefully.

                Was he wearing that trench coat still? Or those silly shoes? He smelled of dust, where did he come from? And he sounds tired.

                Well, he was breaking a lot of rules just to get here. So she guessed it wouldn’t hurt?

                “It’s a surprise now. Let’s go!” He probably couldn’t keep the smile in his words.

                She heard the door of the TARDIS open. She felt the warmth from inside. The TARDIS was welcoming her back in her arms. Josie walked towards the sound, the warmth.

                The Doctor’s footsteps bound in front of her. She heard the levers and the buttons.

                “Hello” She whispered.

                She was home. 


	2. The Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This trip was more for himself rather than her. Him taking her on the day that was obviously not her birthday was his compromise. He wouldn’t delude himself into thinking that this was for her.  
> He knew what she would say. He counted on it.  
> “I want to go to Rose”

                “Where do you want to go?” It was his most dangerous weapon, he thinks. This phrase that charms his companions to jump through hell and high water. He was the promise of _something else_ , that first page of a book that your gut just tells you is good, this something _more._

                It was also his greatest sin, this dragging people into his mess.

                Can anyone blame him though?

                It was just—just a break.

                He knew every choice he made led to this. This self-imposed loneliness that was his punishment. He lives.

                He smiled bitterly to himself.

                Josefa was a smart girl, her reluctance was evidence of that. He knew that she knew. He kept tabs on everyone. Because he was selfish like that. He never promised otherwise.

                This trip was more for himself rather than her. Him taking her on the day that was obviously not her birthday was his compromise. He wouldn’t delude himself into thinking that this was for her.

                He knew what she would say. He counted on it.

                “I want to go to Rose”

                “I knew you would say that” And with that he didn’t care that he burned through a whole uninhabited galaxy to fuel his trip. It was a remnant of his past mistakes, a budding place where life was supposed to thrive before the war stuck it in an infinite loop. He knew how many of these there were throughout the Universe. He wouldn’t let himself forget.

                They landed on a cliff face overlooking a familiar stretch of beach.

                The doors opened, and he could see Josefa turn around at the scent of the sea spray and brine.

                “Where are we, Doctor? There’s waves and—why aren’t we in London?” Because I happened, he thought sourly.

                “Now, Josefa. I kind of, probably, maybe, sort of told Rose that she wouldn’t see me again”

                “Is that why she left, Doctor?” No. It’s why _I_ did.

                “It’s rather complicated, of course. Timey wimey. For one, we aren’t in our own Universe”

                “What? You told me we would be back before lunch!”

                “Yeah, we would. And, yes we can, so please stop making that face, it’s making me feel guilty” 

                “You should be”

                “Anyhoo, we can only watch, alright?”

                “But I said I want to _see_ Rose. Can’t we talk to her?” His hearts constricted. Another sin on his ever growing pile. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that their adventures stole her eyesight. He knew that if he told her that her saving a young princess of a faraway planet was what caused the rare disease, it would break her. She deserved to know, but he wasn’t that noble.

                “I’m sorry”

                “What can we do, then? Do you have a thingamabob in here that lets me watch her from afar?” No he didn’t. Not anymore. He threw it in a star when the last person who used it became dependent on it. A few minutes of usage causes extreme pressures on the brain. They had better technology on Gallifrey, but he blew it up and he wasn’t as smart as he likes to think he is. Her eyes were another thing he couldn’t fix.

                “Sorry, no. But would you like me to tell you what’s happening?” He pressed some buttons, pulled some levers. He set the TARDIS and themselves to undetectable mode. Rose had a knack of sensing him wherever he was.

                She started walking towards the door, her cane leading the way.

                “Let’s go, then”

                He led her to the edge of the cliff, where they sat. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbling with anything his fingers could find. His sonic screwdriver, some candy wrappers, a banana. His eyes led him to the shore where a family was. The child was running towards the water, not listening to the warnings her mother shouted at her, or her father’s laughter that smothered her mother’s complaints. The man—who was him, but not really—pulled Rose into his arms in the way he always wanted to do and kissed her hair.

                “Doctor, what’s going on?”

                “Well, there’s this beach—“

                “I think we’ve already established that” She played with the cane on her lap and swung her legs. Josefa had that furrow on her brow that reminded him of the day she wanted to go back to the Sugar Planet. He and Rose said ‘no’ at exactly the same time. They shared a look before they all laughed.

                “—and if you stopped interrupting, I could tell you that she looks—is—very happy. There’s a girl, playing on the sand. Brown hair, green eyes most possibly. She sucks at making sandcastles though. She keeps adding too much water”

                “Is it…?”

                “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s their kid. She has the same look on her face when Rose hasn’t had her morning coffee yet, you know, that one”

                “Yeah, I remember” Rose loved tea but prefers coffee in the morning. Does she, still? Ten years was a long time to change habits. He looked at this familiar, unknown Rose. She wasn’t his Rose, not anymore. Well, not that she ever was, he supposed.

                “Their?”

                “Rose is sitting on a terribly colored beach towel. Its pear green, if you want to ask. There’s this man next to her, looks handsome in sunglasses. Very thin though, lanky. Never thought—” Was he _that_ thin? “They’re having wine and cheese. I’d like some wine and cheese. They’re laughing about something”

                “They sound like a very happy family”

                “They are” If he knew how to give it all up, he could have been the man who made her happy.

                “Are you happy, Doctor?” This was the kid they met the night the TARDIS stopped somewhere he didn’t bring it to. Again. It was cold and she looked distraught, sitting on the curb in the middle of nowhere next to a burning car wrapped around a tree trunk. She saw and understood more than she let on. The Doctor knew the love in her eyes when Josefa looked at them was the same longing as his.

                “Yeah, I guess so” He told himself that it was enough, this was enough. He promised himself that he needed just one last look, just one, just to remind himself that he made the right decision. Seeing Rose was enough. It was, he would tell himself. Seeing her happy one last time, so every time his hearts stray and constrict and feel like he was losing himself again, he could remind himself. She doesn’t need him to make her happy anymore, and that’s okay. She found her own happiness, now maybe he could find his somewhere else.

                “You don’t sound happy”

                “I will be” He promised. He owed her that much.

                “We will be” Down the shore, Rose smiled.


	3. Another Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose was standing up, shaking sand of her legs. She combed through her hair and approached her child. Not-Doctor sat up. Was he also watching his family under the orange sky of the setting sun, remembering the life he lost and appreciating the life he has now? Does he understand that not everything was his fault—even if he knew it was? What would it be like, to forgive himself?

                “She cut her hair again. It’s shorter now, barely grazes her ears. She looks healthy. Healthy enough to assume—“

                 His thoughts take him elsewhere and his fingers fumble through all the knick-knacks he’d shoved into his pockets to grab the sonic. He pointed it at Rose, it made his forty-fourth favorite sound and he was right.

                “—oh no” Rose’s hair fell in her face and the not-Doctor absentmindedly drew her hair from her face. Not-Doctor was staring at the child. Beautiful things, children. Noisy and messy too. They were such little rascals but they made you feel so _alive_. They smile and their parents think that the rest of the Universe just doesn’t matter. It didn’t, but he had five grandchildren on Gallifrey.

                He missed Susan.            

                “Doctor?” He thought it better that she couldn’t see. He could hide the hitches in his voice in the centuries of practice. But his eyes, well, they probably wouldn’t be looking dreamy right now.

                “They’re going to be very happy in a few months” He wonders how not-him hasn’t noticed yet. Or maybe not-him did. If he was anything like him, he would know all the nuances and tics. Maybe he was waiting for Rose to tell him. He would be.

                He wiped his hand across his face.

                “Please explain”

                “Sonic says that Rose is pregnant. She is oh-going-to-beat him up for that, knocking her up twice now”

                “Doctor!”

                “I know, I’m sorry! But, human females are at their most frightening when they’re carrying another human inside of them. Makes me remember that one time the TARDIS brought me to a maternity clinic and they took my name seriously” Josefa gasped.

                “I did phenomenally well considering the last thing I helped give birth to was a space llama. Don’t make that face, come on. No one was hurt! Except for me. Lady kept kicking me. Good thing the real doctor showed up before they handed me a scalpel. I commentaried though”

                “Why didn’t you just leave?”

                “Yeah, why didn’t I?”

                They were sitting quite close, and he jumped and almost fell when Josefa lightly hit him in the leg.

                “Rose’s pregnant!”

                “Yeah, I just told you that” She started bouncing up and down, with her hands flailing. He scoot a little farther away.

                “She’s pregnant!”

                “Yeah, she is why do you keep saying it?” She hit him again.

                “If you didn’t—“ She stopped herself and reached for his hand. They held themselves together as he watched and she listened. The wind was picking up.

                Rose was standing up, shaking sand of her legs. She combed through her hair and approached her child. Not-Doctor sat up. Was he also watching his family under the orange sky of the setting sun, remembering the life he lost and appreciating the life he has now? Does he understand that not everything was his fault—even if he knew it was? What would it be like, to forgive himself?

                “The kid’s hopeless. Rose is coming in to help”

                “What’s she wearing?” Which made him force himself to stop thinking for two seconds.

                “Beach shorts and a white t-shirt. The kid’s wearing pink, and the dad too” Apparently he looks good in pink, and a stupid cowboy hat. He chalked it up in his brain.

                “Is he cute?”

                “Devilishly handsome” Josefa sighed.

                “You’re lying aren’t you?” Josefa turned her head to look at him, with her eyes narrowed. They were the same, a little lighter chocolate. She changed her hair too. If Rose was here, they probably would be talking about their cuts for hours and he would grumble and groan because he wouldn’t be able to join the conversation because as Rose would say, he wasn’t qualified—he wore trainers. To which he would disagree, ‘They’re very comfortable!”.

                “Why would I? He’s a handsome fellow”

                “Right” Of course he was jealous. Of himself. Huh. Or not.

                Josefa probably was, too. She was their _young lady_. Knowing that Rose has a daughter now, with another one possibly on the way. Not-him was so bloody fortunate. He’s probably the luckiest man.

                “How’s the sandcastle coming up?”

                “Well, apparently the kid got her sandcastle-making skills from Rose. They’re doing a bit better though, the clump is taking shape. But it looks more like a sad mountain than anything else”

                “My dad took us to the beach on time, and the waves were so strong that my sandcastle keeps falling apart even though I was like twenty steps from the shore. My cousins jumped on my sad mountain and I cried so much they bought me ice-cream” Josefa’s uncle was a nice enough guy, and he made sure she didn’t feel alienated in their family. But she couldn’t help it, and she sought after Rose and him. Even though he knew he was fooling himself, it made him feel whole for a while.

                “Well there’s this planet that’s all ocean, and they have literal sandcastle houses at the bottom of the sea, want to go there?”

                “Wait a bit”

                “Aster!” They heard vaguely from faraway. His eyes widened. Oh, so smart. In Greek it was ‘star’, in Gallifreyan ‘haster’ meant ‘light’. And it was a flower, too. He wanted to throw a shoe at not-him’s head for thinking it first.

                “Pretty name”

                “Well, the kid’s pretty too, I guess. She looks a bit like Rose, same eyes and face”

                “I honestly can’t imagine, Doctor. I forgot your faces when I was fifteen. You didn’t leave a picture—and I know you couldn’t” Rose won’t be for another ten years at Josefa’s time.

                “Well don’t worry, I wouldn’t be having this face for so long”

                “Don’t talk like that”

                “Why?”

                “Rose told me what happens when you _change._ You become a whole new person _”_ And he wanted to, sometimes. He wouldn’t be the same, but maybe new hearts would hurt less. And a new brain, too. He’s being more stupid lately.

                “Wouldn’t you like me, if I wasn’t myself?”

                “Maybe, because I wouldn’t be able to threaten you with pears”

                “Well, I don’t know what kind of man I’d be when I do change. Maybe I’d even love pears” He shivered.

                “Let’s go?” Josefa smiled sadly.

                He stole another look, engraved her smiling face in his memory and the image of the child that could’ve been. His heart broke a little bit more.

                “Yeah” Time healed all wounds, and he wasn’t currently running out of it. He hopes.

                He’ll remember, and someday, he’ll smile.


End file.
